A Confederacy of Dunces: extracts (51)

His blue and yellow eyes rested on an unopened manila envelope on the top of the toilet. For quite a while Ignatius had been trying to decide whether or not he would open the envelope. The trauma of having found employment had affected his value negatively, and he was waiting until the warm water in which he wallowed like a pink hippopotamus has a calming effect upon his system. Then he would attack the envelope. Paradise Vendors should prove to be a pleasant employer. He would spend his time parked somewhere by the river accumulating thoughts for the Journal. Mr. Clyde had a certain paternal quality that Ignatius liked; the old man, the scarred and wizened mogul of the frankfurter, would be a welcome new character in the Journal. At last Ignatius felt relaxed enough and, raising his dripping hulk out of the water, picked up the envelope. He tore the envelope open, wetting the paper, and pulled out a folded poster that said in large letters:


M. Minkoff speaks boldly about

“Sex in Politics: Erotic Liberty as a Weapon Against Reactionaries”

8 p.m. Thursday, the 28th

Y.M.C.A. – Grand Concourse

Admission: $1.00 – OR – Sign M. Minkoff’s Petition Which Aggressively Demands More and Better Sex for All and a Crash Program for Minorities! (The petition will be mailed to Washington.) Sign now and save America from sexual ignorance, chastity, and fear. Are you committed enough to help in this bold and crucial movement?