“You must stop all of this,” Ignatius shouted to Dorian, who was winking at the cowboy. “Aside from the fact that I am witnessing a most egregious offense against taste and decency, I am also beginning to smother from the stench of glandular emissions and cologne.” “Oh, don’t be so drab. They’re just having fun.”…
“Good gracious,” Ignatius spluttered. “I can see that we’re going to have a great deal of trouble capturing the conservative rural red-neck Calvinist vote. We are going to have to rebuild our image along lines other than those I see here.” Timmy, who was watching the black leather lout twist and dump eager partners sighed,…
“I doubt whether any hack, under pressure, could pen such atrocious melodrama,” Ignatius observed. “Now stop all of this, you two degenerates. Exercise at least a little taste and decency.” If I were a suburban developer, I would attach at least one set to the walls of every new yellow brick ranch style and Cape…
“They would try to make me into a moron who liked television and new cats and frozen food. Don’t you understand? Psychiatry is worse than communism. I refuse to be brainwashed. I won’t be a robot!” “But, Ignatius, they help out a lot of people got problems.” “Do you think that I have a problem?” Ignatius…
“Whoa! Levy Pant kick your ass out for tryina get all them po color people throwed in jail, huh?” “How do you know about that?” Ignatius asked guardedly. “Were you involved in that particularly abortive coup?” “No. I hear peoples talkin aroun.” “You did?” Ignatius asked interestedly. “No doubt they made some mention of my…
Ignatius snorted at the movie credits. All of the people involved in the film were equally unacceptable. A set designer, in particular, had appalled him too many times in the past. The heroine was even more offensive than she had been in the circus musical. In this film she was a bright young secretary whom…
“Oh, my God!” Ignatius stared at what he saw. Once in high school someone had shown him a pornographic photograph, and he had collapsed against a water cooler, injuring his ear. This photograph was far superior. A nude woman was sitting on the edge of a desk next to a globe of the world. The…
Unaware that he was being trailed, Ignatius pushed his cart against the traffic down St. Charles toward the Quarter. He had stayed up so late the night before working on his lecture for the kickoff rally that he hadn’t been able to move from his yellowed sheets until almost noon, and then it had only…
Dear Reader, Nature has sometimes made a fool; but a coxcomb is always of man’s own making. — Addison As I was wearing the soles of my desert boots down to a mere sliver of crepe rubber on the old flagstone banquettes of the French Quarter in my fevered attempt to wrest a living from…
“Irene!” Santa said angrily. “You all the time thinking of that boy, and with all the trouble he’s giving you. You better wake up, babe. If you had any sense, you woulda had that boy locked away at Charity Hospital a long time ago. They’d turn a hose on him. They’d stick a letrit socket…
manwithoutqualities 